The Cup Of Silence


A Time To Listen
September 26, 2007, 2:45 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Last night, I watched the lights of Zagreb, Croatia dance beneath my airplane, while listening to “One,” by U2. Tears? You better believe it. As a matter of fact, I have really been trying to keep back the tears all day.

And now, Sarajevo. This week, I will be absorbing. Absorbing this city, and it’s people. Tomorrow, I will try to add some photos. For now, I will leave you with this.

I woke up this morning at 4:40am, put on a fleece, and walked outside of the house. A cool Bosnian morning, a light mist falling from the dark, overcast sky, and me, unable to express myself. At  5am, one, then two, and in the distance, a third mosque sounded the call to prayer. The haunting voices, echoing through the hills, dark but beautiful. Me, listening, and whispering the lyrics

“The cross, neither jewelry,

nor icon, nor charm. The cross held a lover

who died in my arms,

under the weight of the hammer I held.

The space between heaven, and everything spanned.

And the lost art of living was found again,

When the cross became loving, and Christ became friend.”*

Until next time, Laku noc.

Jason

*(From Lost Art Of Living by 100 Portraits).

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Ventilation
September 21, 2007, 9:41 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Yesterday was my last day at Starbucks. Throughout the day, people asked me if I am excited to go to Sarajevo. For some reason, this has been a tough question for me to respond to. Maybe its because of the slew of emotions I am experiencing. I feel worn, like my well-read copy of Lord Of The Rings. Its been handled so many times, that the cover is creased and bent, testifying to the time devoted to it’s pages. I am worn out, because God has been dealing with me in difficult ways. Ways that are not natural to my personality. Or maybe He is changing me, transforming me. Its renewing, but equally tiring. I am blessed to experience it.

Maybe God is also helping me to not have any expectations. To expect something might also lead to disappointment. Disappointment is the last thing that this trip needs. I have a camera, I have a change of clothes, and I have people who are passionate about Sarajevo. I have the Architect of this vision of storytelling. I have my experiences of faithfulness, and selfishness alike. How will God use these? I want my expectations to be nothing more than “God using.”

I feel raw. Like the muscle of a cow, sitting on a kitchen counter, waiting to be seasoned and grilled. Maybe even like soft clay, ready to be molded by the Artist. As I look back, evaluating my life thus far, I call to mind all of the unfaithfulness that my life has shown to others. People who I have failed. People who didn’t even get a chance at my friendship. People who were judged harshly by me. Ill will given, curses like birthday presents.

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I see all of those spiritually epiphanic moments, where God was taking me to the next stage of growth, preparing me. I will never forget a certain moment in Monterrey, Mexico. It was a temperate summer evening, and I was standing in the middle of the soccer field, near the church where I was living. All around me, the mountains lit up from the lights of homes built on the steep grades. Those lights blended into stars, stretching across the night sky. There I was, alone, with Mexican music echoing across the valley where I stood. I remember trying to sing to God, expressing my love in any way I could. Right there, for the first time, God told me “be still.” ” Be still and know Me.” ” Know that My heart wants your life, not your words.”

At that moment, I recalled all of the previous moments where God had given me what I needed, rather than what I wanted. Now I can recall how God built upon that night at the soccer field. Its the pattern of God’s faithfulness completing what He started in me, over 25 years ago, long before I knew that there was a place called Mexico. Sarajevo is yet another layer, built upon this foundation of growth.

So yes, to answer the question. I am excited about Sarajevo. but I thank God that its not at all how I am excited to go to Six Flags, to ride roller coasters. Its a deeper level of anticipation. Anticipation that I am finding difficult to articulate. I guess a good way to say it would be that this trip is whats supposed to happen next. To know this means to know my purpose.

last night, my friend Sheena let me borrow Caedmon’s Call‘s album Share The Well. I hadn’t heard it before, so I played it While writing this post. There is a hidden track that I will call I Miss You. It made me think of Sarajevo. A place I miss, but have never visited. The Lyrics are

Six more airports till I see your face
I keep your picture in a passport, but its not the same
Still there’s joy in this silence
in my heart and in this place
in the hope of the longing that tears cannot erase
and I’m hoping that you’re sleeping ok

Cause I miss you.
I don’t think that the word “excitement” is adequate.



Road Rage
September 4, 2007, 12:31 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Concerning bicycle protocol, do not pull the left brake while coasting down hill. This will send you promptly over your handle bars, and broken on to the street.

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