The Cup Of Silence

I have been re-reading Love Thy Neighbor: A Story War by Peter Maass. Though his Sarajevo was war-torn, it reminds me so much of my Sarajevo. A Sarajevo I first saw on TV, in 1984. Then again in 1994. A third time in 2007, with my own eyes. A Sarajevo full of life on the surface, with much death in the soul. A truly bittersweet place.

I have not forgotten Bosnia.

I have come far too close to loosing much of what I have been working for, these past eight months. I have come to my senses often enough to realize that this stage in the race is necessary to obtain the goal.  I have allowed myself to be distracted along this road. I am sure more things will steal my attention again, before its over. But here I am, thinking as clearly as I can at this moment, envisioning my dreams.

I have a bit of video footage from Sarajevo. Footage from my own JVC camcorder. I have told many of you that I plan to make a video. I have even shown some of you a very, very rough version of my idea. Now I say this going into seventy-hour work week,but I promise to have that video completed by August 23. Maybe setting a deadline is unimportant to you. Maybe you will love me no matter what. The deadline is for me. Some amount of structure to my dream, in a time where my vision must indirectly be put on the back burner.

That said, I am very excited about a couple of things. One - I am going to have all of my ducks in a row to buy that Nikon D60 I have been talking about. The magical day is Monday, July 14th, 2008. This is personally perhaps a bigger step than some of you know. Photography is a way that God allows me to express myself, and worship Him. My soul misses this interaction, with camera in hand.

Two - A commonplace book. Spoon got me started on it. I am actually copying him (while he copies Milton, and others). I have linked my commonplace in the side bar of this blog, under “links.” While preparing to travel to the Balkans last year, I referenced many different sources, gathering information about Sarajevo, and beyond. I have been working hard at putting all of these sources in one “commonplace” (aha…you get it, don’t you?) . So there it is. You might find it interesting.

Real father abandons Man when Man is two years old.

Man’s mother remarries soon thereafter.

Man’s new dad is abusive.

Man seeks counseling at age 18.

Man quits counseling at age 18, to get married.

Man divorces wife, ten years later.

Six months after divorce, Man meets new woman.

Man gets engaged to new woman, and moves to New York.

Man leaves new woman, who has drug addiction problems.

Man, soon after leaving woman, finds another woman.

Man moves, with new woman, to Des Moines.

Man gets engaged, again.

Man realizes that Man is not in love with newest woman, and breaks engagement.

Man has relationship with new, new woman one month later.

Man and Woman decide to move to Philadelphia.

Two weeks before departure, woman leaves Man.

Man is heartbroken. Really heartbroken.

One month after breakup, Man discovers woman had been cheating on Man.

At age 37, Man is crushed.The most crushed Man has ever been.

Man is a friend of mine. As it turns out, I am perhaps the only friend that Man has.  This past month has been an amazing time of sharing with Man. Sharing what I believe. Sharing what I know. Explaining that, as it ends up, I don’t know much.

Man sees life in me. He has told me so.

“There is something about you, Jason. Something different than other guys. Most guys are just assholes. But you, you are different.”

I don’t think that Man is a believer. He has some sort of religious background, but a lack of the “void-filling” God is evident to me.

Tonight, Man told me that the culmination of an entire life’s worth of baggage has caught up with him. That his heart feels like it is trying to gasp for air.

Will you please pray for Man. He is truly dear to me. I wish him to find true life, after experiencing and participating in death for so long.

Update:
So the new Nikon camera isn’t in the mail yet. The company I tried to purchase the camera through might be a little shady. For whatever reason, the payment didn’t complete correctly (entirely on their end), and I have been unable to contact them to clear up the issue. I may just wait a little longer, and purchase the camera from a web site that I trust for the most part.

I want to trip inside your head, spend the day there……. oops, sorry (listening to U2 and typing is not working for me).

In the meantime, I have been impressed with the Bosnian artist Selja Kameric. check out her work by clicking her name in the previous sentence. Below is one of my favorite projects of hers. Its called “homeSICK.”

homeSICK, work in progress, started in Graz 2001, Selja Kameric
Printed stickers, 14×14cm

Graz, Manciano, Ljubljana, Zagreb, Dubrovnik, Bern, San Marino, Milano, Berlin, Ravenna, Düsseldorf, Amsterdam, Leipzig, Vienna, Wolfsburg, Prishtina, Paris, Frankfurt am Miane, Tirana, Havana, Trinidad, Nicosia, Tokyo, Kyoto, Kitakyushu, New York, Malmo…

The arrow always points in the direction of Sarajevo.

* home-sick, feeling sad because you are away from your home: On her first night at camp,
Sheila felt very homesick for her family.
- Longman Dictionary of American English